“You’ll never be free until you realise this: it was never about what they think. It was about whether you listened to yourself. We spend so much of our lives chasing approval, fitting into shapes that were never ours, walking paths paved by other people’s expectations. But have you noticed? The more you chase what pleases them, the further you drift away from what fulfills you. The universe gave you a compass–it's not in your pocket, but in your chest. Your intuition is the echo of the cosmos whispering through you. And yet, how often do we trust our fear more than that quiet knowing? Don't fear walking or growing alone. To stand in your own light is to remember the truth: those who’re meant for your journey will find you–as you'll find them”. —Alan Watts
When I look back on my life so far, I am pleased that, for the most part, I’ve heeded this advice. I’ve listened to my heart and followed my compass. I don’t have a traditional life, and I suppose I never wanted one. I feel grateful I’ve listened to my inner voice, not afraid of what others think. I’m not afraid of challenges either, and I’ve spent so much time looking for what makes me feel whole.
It’s the reason I have lived a good portion of my life in Provence. I’ve never been one for bucket lists, but rather simply doing things that work for me. And for me, finding peace and beauty is probably the most important thing. There are always trade-offs; life is a compromise, after all. Finding some balance is all you can do.
As always, my last few days in France left me melancholy, thinking about these past months and how unbelievably perfect this summer was. I have never seen such beautiful weather, literally only a few less-than-ideal days. Normally, once the days get shorter, it really changes. But this year, we had lovely warmth all the way through. As I was out for my last couple of rides, I tried so hard to soak up the views. This place is unspeakably beautiful to me. After years of living in cities, I know the countryside is so much healthier for my body, mind, and spirit. The quiet, the endless nature, the space, the giant blue sky. It all makes all the seemingly endless challenges in life that much easier to manage.
So, while I am heartbroken at leaving again, my gratitude is immense. I have been so lucky to do this. To work in a way that allows me to move my “office” around. To have loved ones who patiently wait for my return or join me from time to time. I have no idea how much longer I will have this life, so I will carry on, hoping I get to see my home again soon.
